Saturday, December 13, 2008

Science Part. 1

Yawn, right?

Science is dull, dull, dull.

You can't make the Periodic Table of Elements fun, I don't care how much clown makeup you slap on it.

Or can you...?

Okay, sorry I used that clich├ęd device. I hate myself for it almost as much as you do right now. I promise it won't happen again.

Or will it...?

I'm not too proud to go on record as saying "science is hard." I don't have a head for it but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate it. Why does it have to be so effing hard? Probably because it seeks to quantify how everything in existence actually works. You try explaining precisely why the sun is hot and just how hot is it and see how much accurate detail you can get with laymans terms and a slide rule.

If you're one of those people who hate science with a passion bordering on "Quit Dry-Humping My Leg, Bitch" then you are not alone. Plenty of fruit loops think the world is going to hell in a hand-beaker owing to science and its all-consuming hunger for advancing the quality of life.

Science has given us medicine. So now ignorant a-holes who otherwise wouldn't have lived long enough to complain about how unnatural chemicals are can protest the devastating effect H2O is having on our embattled planet.

It has given us power. So a-holes can boot up their computers and whine online about how it used to be so much better back in the days when wearing filth for weeks at a time was all the rage.

It has given us computers and the internet. So a-holes with computers and internet access can whine about antiscience a-holes who think we would be so much better off living with famine, disease, unsolved murders, warm beer, radios that don't do squat, guns in briefcases on airplanes, the earth being flat, and Steven Spielberg out of a job.


But can you blame them for their ignorance? In the past Science education managed to do more harm than good. Remember how excited you and your mates would get at the prospect of watching yet another science program detailing all the hip experiments you could do in class?

Me neither.

To jog your memory, they go a little something like this.

But isn't Science also capable of great evil? Like those scientists trying their darnedest to destroy the planet with a Large Hadron Collider, say for example?

In short: nope. Science as a principle isn't evil at all. You might get the odd individual who is capable of evil and chooses to weild knowledge gleaned by science in an inappropriate manner. Like, say, an extremist with a dirty bomb wandering downtown Manhattan. But for the most part the purpose of Science is the persuit of knowledge. And knowlege gives us answers to questions, which helps us solve problems. Problems like: What is the best way to squander billions of dollars in an effort to suck the world as we know it into a black hole?

Actually, that's not what science is trying to do with the LHC and I think you'll find that those doomsday predictions are only being touted by people who are entirely ignorant of the science involved - suprise, surprise.

Just what is the LHC really doing then? Apart from cutting record deals? A good place to get the lowdown is here. If you're curious.

Otherwise just sit back, crack open your favorite beer, and wait for it all to end.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Skippy: A Friend Ever True

Crikey! Is it time to showcase some home grown Aussie humor again?

Must be. So lets talk kangaroos.

Having been born in Australia it makes perfect sense that I would have known a kangaroo or two in my time. Of all the 'roos I've known (more than you can count on one paw) there's one in particular that stands out. That kangaroo is, of course, Skippy.

Skippy the bush kangaroo.

Bush kangaroos are a different breed to your everyday urban variety. For starters they're bloody clueless when it comes to dealing with traffic, lack all the niceties of dinner table etiquette, and if perchance some task requires of them a little fashion sense - well, you can forget about it. But don't make the mistake of writing bush kangas off as complete imbeciles just yet. They can still be resourceful little buggers!

In many ways Skippy is to Australia what Flipper is to America or Doctor Who is to Great Britain, or the Tunguska event is to Russia. Whether it's saving missing children who ill-advisedly go bungee jumping down wells, cleaning up oil spills at sea, saving us from the latest Dalek masterplan to conquer the universe, or matchsticking kilometers of former Soviet Republic real-estate; no job is too big an ask for our be-pouched hero.

Which brings us, inevitably, to THE BIG QUESTION:

Whose arse could Skippy kick?
(NOTE: Being Australian, Skippy has no capacity to kick ass. Only arse.)

In no particular order: Willie Ames, Jean Reno, Shakespeare, Dracula, MacGuyver, Simon & Schuster, Brooke Brodack, Steamboat Willie, Helium, Optimus Prime, Malignant Melanoma, The Wiggles, Stuart Little, Zuul, K C & The Sunshine Band, every last stinking Anti-vaxxer, The Bismark, Marky Mark, The Battle of Waterloo, the combined cast of Dawson's Creek, Shetland, and the red paperclip guy.

We would like to have gauged how well a Skippy vs. Chuck Norris deathmatch would have turned out, believe me, but we had trouble finding Chuck. I guess we may never know.

It just occurred to me, some of you have yet to be introduced to the talents of our national treasure. For your edification:

Okay. Maybe Skippy really isn't all that. In fact, I'm starting to come down off the whole Skippy is the shiz head trip. Know what? Screw that giant hopping rodent! What has Skip done for us lately? Bludging, boozing, cooz-hound he is!

Brings back memories of another show don't it! You know the one. Where they'd make fun of bad shows. I think it was called MST3- ...err, Bargearse!

Sorry. We seem to have gone off on one of those 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon tangent thing-a-majigs and I just can't help myself. I demand a second helping!

Hell, I'd post all the Bargearse eps if it wouldn't make me appear so bloomin' self-indulgent. If you're as tickled as I am then I'm afraid you're going to have to hunt them down for yourself. I'm guessing it'll take you all of oh, say, 12 seconds.

So. Yeah. Uh... Kangaroos. Whatever point I was making I can say with unshakable confidence that I think I proved it. Nerr.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Mash-up Fire Sale

Time for some more trailer shennannigans. I do love me these pretties so very, very much. A variety of talented folk put a lot of time and love into their crafting. If you go looking you'll find plenty of inferior content out there - their downfall is they have continuity that's all over the shop. You really have to work to believe in the premise of those trailers. Not so with these ones. Which is what makes them remarkable in my book and worthy of Levitude top honors.

Turn out the lights and slip into your scaredy pants for our first adventure because Mary is back and boy is she pissed!

You're okay. It's over. The nasty nanny is gone now. Relax. Deep breath in... and out... in... and now lets completely change tack. Maestro? College hi-jinks if you please!

Sinead O'Connor fans, represent!

The same geniuses who gave birth to that channeled lightning into this next monster. For those of you who haven't seen Glengarry Glen Ross beforehand, just know that this brilliantly repurposes the film. Go ahead and pause the blog if you'd like to check out the riveting original first. We'll wait.


When I think unrestrained foul language I think of kids up to no good. And when I think of kids up to no good, I think Goonies. Which brings us to one of the greatest adventure movies of our time. My momma used to say "Clever is as clever does" and this trailer does clever quite... cleverly.

Finally, not really a trailer per-se but a re-imagined scene. An all-time favorite that I am proud to feature here so that I can watch it over and over and over at leisure. Ladies, Gentlemen, Sith Lords and Sith Ladies, I give you Darth Vader: Dick.