Friday, March 27, 2009

Lets Start A Family!

That's right. Today we're talking about children. Love them or hate them, they're here to stay. Even after the ones you're familiar with decide to outgrow their smallish, ignorant stage by entering a more socially acceptable largish, ignorant stage, more children have an uncanny knack of arriving on the scene.

What is the role of children, you ask? Do they serve some purpose? The answer is, of course, no. There is nothing children can do that adults can't do better. So why would people choose to raise families to begin with? Is there perhaps some secondary benefit to be gained by starting a family?

This time, you've hit upon it. Yes - as a tax break.

Children are the Isle of Man of living, breathing tax havens. Clothe them, feed them, buy them each a television and with the remaining money you've saved you'll be able to afford more globe-trotting holidays than there are holiday destinations for! Granted, some of these you'll be expected to spend at Disneyland, but if you've shelled out for a half-decent nanny all you really need do is see them off at the airport.

A word of warning though. It isn't all peaches and cream. Sometimes children ask questions. Not just a few questions, either. Roughly 2.7 million questions. That's per day. You know how the internet can be really slow at times? ...Parents. Endlessly looking up answers to questions.

Again. Nanny. I recommend a live-in.

Now, a word of advice to those of you who want to have children but don't have much income and would therefore not yield enough of a tax benefit to make it worth your while. Scrape together what little money you can and go see a good therapist. You have a tendency toward self-destructive behavior. Work it out. I'm pulling for you.

At least, that's what the postcard I send you from Monaco will say.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Finally Everything Makes Sense

Pretty much one of the worst tortures you can inflict on a lover of music is to record a song where the listener has no hope of figuring out the lyrics on their own. If I want to sing along you damn well better let me do so without making a fool of myself, by supplying a lyric sheet along with the album. That way when I listen to Summer of '69 I don't end up getting laughed down by all my friends during that verse when Brian Adams's girlfriend stands on her mamma's Porche proclaiming she would wait forever.

Funny thing how our minds feel compelled to fill in the blanks. We can't just say, "I dunno, it's unclear. Ask again later." We say, "Sounds like this. I'll just go with it until somebody offers a better fit."

And so, people rightly decide that we are none too smart.

...I like songs.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

You Can Run, Jupiter, But... HEY! Where'd It Go?

This one is something to marvel at. Have you ever wanted to experience 30 hours in 11 seconds? Have you ever wanted to keep a close eye on Jupiter in case it pulls a fast one? Have you ever felt so down you just wanted to hide behind the sun?

Check, check, and check?

Then this post is for you!

Phil Plait, that baddest of bad astronomers (and I mean that in the same way "F*ck You, Sara" really means "I love you" at the end of The Last Boyscout) has posted a short video of Jupiter and its moons trying to insulate itself from all earthly wrongdoings by putting the sun between us and itself. Can you blame it?

Phil is one of my favorite bloggers. He's the guy that took the Moon Hoax crackpots head on in his first book, Bad Astronomy, and has subsequently become a blogging god, talking about all things majorly astronomical, sciency and rational.

By the way, if you ever wondered how the world is going to end then you might like his new book Death From The Skies (free plug, seeing as how I like the guy so damn much). Otherwise keep checking that Large Hadron Collider link I gave you a while back, for up to the minute intel.

Oh, and don't forget to become a rabid devotee of Phil's Blog if you weren't already.

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Wizards of Time and Mind

David Tennant and Derren Brown. Two of my favorite British discoveries of the previous year together at last?


For those of you who don't watch Doctor Who and don't know who David Tennant is, you have been missing out. To be fair. So had I.

I remember thinking how horribly downhill the old series of Doctor Who had gone when it fizzled out in the late '80s and so paid little attention to the new series when it came back bigger and better than ever. I'd put my youth behind me and written off my childhood proclamation that "Doctor Who is the bestest thing ever, ever, ever and you can't ever make me change my mind about it ever" thinking how goofy I must have seemed as a kid, with my nose buried in all those Target novelisations. (Personal Trivia for those who lived the same childhood. Fave author? Terrence Dicks.)

Then something happened. I finally decided to hire out Season 1 of the new revamped Doctor Who. They'd given it a budget. Fantastic. They'd made the companionship more personal. Nice touch. They'd brought together people who were just as enamored with the show as I had been, young fans who were now grown up storytellers and filmmakers just itching to pay it all back and make the show of their dreams. Off the hook!

I swear some episodes of this Doctor Who are more entertaining than 99% of the big budget "entertainments" you go see in cinemas. I'm not overstating that. They are that sensational.

4 seasons and 2 doctors later, I'm a renewed fan. And I didn't even have to revert to my old geeky ways to do it!

In case you've missed the link - David Tennant is currently playing The Doctor... and killing it.

Now lets flip to another facet of your Levitude blog host's tastes. The guy who is fascinated by the murky depths of the human mind and the way in which your perceptions can be twisted to fool you. Or astonish you. Currently the best showman out there is Derren Brown. You might have seen him here before. You're bound to see him again.

Derren has a swag of BBC shows behind him. Mind Control, Russian Roulette LIVE, Trick of the Mind, Trick or Treat, Messiah, The System... Suffice it to say, he knows how to pull off a trick or two with style. (For die hard fans who haven't read his book, Trick of the Mind, what's taking you guys?!)

So when I discovered that these two fine gents had worked together... my neighbours called the cops and I was fined for disturbing the peace. Actually, they didn't and I wasn't, but it sure would have been a fitting anecdote!

Below are links to the YouTube hosted clips. Unfortunately they didn't support embedding. No matter.

What you're going to see is a typical episode of Trick or Treat where David is going to be taken on a little time travel adventure, Derren Brown style.

Cue incidental music:

David Tennant on Trick or Treat Pt. 1

David Tennant on Trick or Treat Pt. 2

David Tennant on Trick or Treat Pt. 3

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Words 2: Twice the hilarity with only half the heart!

Just when I was seriously thinking about taking Levitude off mission and posting about some of the more meaty issues that have been playing on my mind of late, Brian Keith Dalton and the Mr. Deity crew went and uploaded the latest episode of their new comedy series Words on YouTube.

Sometimes you just need to sit back and have a good laugh to ease the pressure. Maybe if Tim had seen this it might have made all the difference.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

It's Just Such A Great Impression

Tom Cruise. The man. The legend. The cock-block.

A cautionary tale for anyone thinking it'd be cool to have Tom Cruise crash their party.

What a cock-block! After that there'd be no letting Tom Cruise back into your life. Lesson learned, right? WRONG!

This does not bode well for our scruffy hero. Has Tom Cruise destroyed a beautiful friendship? Won't someone put an end to his cock-blocking ways?

So. All's well that ends well... I guess.

Killer impression.