HELL yeah!

I knew something big was coming but I had no idea it would be THIS big! Then again, I forgot I was dealing with an all-powerful Deity.

Mr. Deity, that is!

The signs and portents fortold of its coming. The time is near at hand.

To whet our appetites we've been blessed with the following trailer for the upcoming Frost/Nixon parodying, Larry/Deity.

And.

It's.

EPIC !!



The Mr. Deity team are getting set to roll out episodes of Larry/Deity soon along with a new season of Mr. Deity (and its charming jingle - da dadala dee deedle lee...) And as if we weren't spoiled enough already there's still more episodes of Words to come.

It's shaping up to be another best year ever folks!

The Dream with Roy and H.G.

If ever you were curious about the affinity Aussies have with bullsh*tting you need look no further than radio and TV personalities "Rampaging" Roy Slaven and H.G. Nelson.

Roy & H.G. fancy themselves sports pundits, so when Sydney hosted the Olympics in 2000 most of Australia tuned in to The Dream, a late night recap of the day's highlights and behind the scenes goings on. If the games during the day were the show, then these two lovable larrikins were the after show party.

Lets look at a sample of the typical studio banter, in this instance dealing with the friendly rivalry between Australia and New Zealand.
(NOTE: A running gag throughout the course of The Dream's Olympics coverage was to parody the media's overuse of the word "tilt" - as used to describe a team or country's sporting effort - by using and abusing the term as often as possible.)




For the gymnastics commentary the lads created their own lingo for the moves on display, which enhanced the entertainment value of the sport tenfold. After viewing this you'll never be lost for what to call gymnastics moves ever again.




And to bring it home, who could forget Eric "The Eel" Moussambani, the 100m freestyle swimmer from Equatorial Guinnea who was immortalised when having to run his heat solo following the disqualification of his competitors? Poor Eric had trained long and hard for the Equatorial Guinnean tilt in a 20m hotel swimming pool. And it showed. Go Eric!

Lets Start A Family!

That's right. Today we're talking about children. Love them or hate them, they're here to stay. Even after the ones you're familiar with decide to outgrow their smallish, ignorant stage by entering a more socially acceptable largish, ignorant stage, more children have an uncanny knack of arriving on the scene.

What is the role of children, you ask? Do they serve some purpose? The answer is, of course, no. There is nothing children can do that adults can't do better. So why would people choose to raise families to begin with? Is there perhaps some secondary benefit to be gained by starting a family?

This time, you've hit upon it. Yes - as a tax break.

Children are the Isle of Man of living, breathing tax havens. Clothe them, feed them, buy them each a television and with the remaining money you've saved you'll be able to afford more globe-trotting holidays than there are holiday destinations for! Granted, some of these you'll be expected to spend at Disneyland, but if you've shelled out for a half-decent nanny all you really need do is see them off at the airport.

A word of warning though. It isn't all peaches and cream. Sometimes children ask questions. Not just a few questions, either. Roughly 2.7 million questions. That's per day. You know how the internet can be really slow at times? ...Parents. Endlessly looking up answers to questions.

Again. Nanny. I recommend a live-in.

Now, a word of advice to those of you who want to have children but don't have much income and would therefore not yield enough of a tax benefit to make it worth your while. Scrape together what little money you can and go see a good therapist. You have a tendency toward self-destructive behavior. Work it out. I'm pulling for you.

At least, that's what the postcard I send you from Monaco will say.

The Deity Returns!

The same very fine folks behind cult internet comedy Mr. Deity have started a new project titled: Words. Starting us off with familiar comedic ground to introduce the characters, we're treated to a somewhat provocative argument being made for the case against descrimination - of people who can hear! Can't wait to see what the gang have in store for us with this new show.

Mash-up Fire Sale

Time for some more trailer shennannigans. I do love me these pretties so very, very much. A variety of talented folk put a lot of time and love into their crafting. If you go looking you'll find plenty of inferior content out there - their downfall is they have continuity that's all over the shop. You really have to work to believe in the premise of those trailers. Not so with these ones. Which is what makes them remarkable in my book and worthy of Levitude top honors.

Turn out the lights and slip into your scaredy pants for our first adventure because Mary is back and boy is she pissed!



You're okay. It's over. The nasty nanny is gone now. Relax. Deep breath in... and out... in... and now lets completely change tack. Maestro? College hi-jinks if you please!




Sinead O'Connor fans, represent!

The same geniuses who gave birth to that channeled lightning into this next monster. For those of you who haven't seen Glengarry Glen Ross beforehand, just know that this brilliantly repurposes the film. Go ahead and pause the blog if you'd like to check out the riveting original first. We'll wait.

WARNING THO: EXTREME LANGUAGE (and I do mean Extreme)



When I think unrestrained foul language I think of kids up to no good. And when I think of kids up to no good, I think Goonies. Which brings us to one of the greatest adventure movies of our time. My momma used to say "Clever is as clever does" and this trailer does clever quite... cleverly.



Finally, not really a trailer per-se but a re-imagined scene. An all-time favorite that I am proud to feature here so that I can watch it over and over and over at leisure. Ladies, Gentlemen, Sith Lords and Sith Ladies, I give you Darth Vader: Dick.

"F" This and "F" That!

Viewer discretion advised: This post strictly not for the easily offended.

As the story goes, when director Ridley Scott was preparing to make his Mogadishu masterpiece Black Hawk Down he decided to cast a then unheard of Australian in the role of Hoot, the tough-as-nails Delta Force commando. Scott saw Eric Bana's breakout performance as the self-aggrandizing underworld crusader Mark 'Chopper' Read in the film Chopper and immediately cast him without the need for a screen test, thinking 'this Chopper guy is just the kind of hard bastard I want to play Hoot.' But the Eric Bana who turned up on set wasn't what the director had been expecting. Regardless, Bana did the role proud and has been enjoying internation success ever since. On ya mate!

Who Ridley thought he'd cast:
(Chopper trailer)



The character Bana brought to the screen was too good to leave be, so comedy troupe The 3rd Degree kidnapped him for one of their more popular recurring sketches on The Ronnie Johns Good Times Campfire Jamboree Half Hour Show, Now on Television.

(*gasp* out of... *wheeze* ...breath...)

Heath Franklin's charicature of Bana's characterisation turned out to be just as riveting to watch. Like a shock-jock you can't bare to tune out because you're compelled to hear what inflammatory remark is up next.

The Ronnie Johns Half Hour (as it was often shortened to for ease of reference) was a half hour sketch comedy show that knew where the line of bad taste was drawn and didn't give a rat's arse about stepping over it. From sketches Dealing With Alcoholism to Giving The Sex Talk all the way to the infamous Jihad Joe Toy Commercial, nothing was off the table.

But what drew audiences was foul-mouthed Chopper. Each week Chopper would lecture us on a variety of subjects he was unfit to teach. Come to think of it, I doubt there's a single subject he is fit to teach. Oh, wait. Maybe: How To Breach Broadcasting Standards. . .

Since the title of this post is "F" This and "F" That I'm going to give you two doses. A warning to the uninitiated -- there will be "F" words aplenty.

First, Chopper teaches us the rules of the road:




And of course, the now immortal - Harden The F*ck Up!

If I May Get Literal For A Moment...

First it was mashups that messed around with film trailers for a laugh. Now the next big thing looks like it's going to be re-interpreting music videos. In today's example, by stripping out the old music and replacing it with a fresh coat. Same old tune, with new-and-improved "Literal" lyrics.

Literal the what now?

It's like what MST3K were up to when they made fun of what was going on in a movie by talking over it, except here it involves recording an entire new song that is a musical counterfeit of the original - but with altered lyrics. In this case, the lyrics describe literally what is going on in its own video clip.

Lets face it. Most video clips are pretty weird to begin with. Now you can have that weirdness pointed out to you as you listen to the song. Pointed out to you, that is, by the song!

Who's responsible for this madness/genius?

Some dude, calls himself Dustball.

Thus far he's literalized A-ha's classic Take On Me video and now he's cranked out another pearler with Tears For Fears' Head Over Heels (featured below).

Can life get any sweeter?

Awwwwww

It may surprise you to know that as a big, burly, masculine hunk of a man who isn't afraid to beat people up when the need arises, I like to spend my spare time voting on which animal is the cutest.

The hell? you say!

Chris Leavins runs an internet show named Cute With Chris. Sounds like something that'd make a grown man puke, don't it? Excepting one memorable occasion, the show manages to steer clear of triggering any up-chuck reflexes, by charting a course for dry humor.

Each week Chris has the thankless task of catering to the needs of crazy cat ladies, gay bears, and teenagers the world over who make up the vast majority of his 4.39 million viewers. And what does he get for his troubles? A small plastic horse, an inner child and a robot cat who continually plot to kill him; a deviant stud horse that keeps trying to steer the show in the direction of smut; and a whole hoarde of opinionated viewers who feel compelled to spread negativity at every turn - managing in the process to earn for themselves a well deserved public smackdown as only Chris knows how to deliver.

When not voting on the cuteness of viewer pets, Chris likes to recite lyrics to current pop songs. One of the must see episodes is where one viewer, Ralph, criticises Chris for his hysterical rendition of T-Pain's "Buy U a Drank". Chris's response, which consumes an entire episode, should be studied by all who would like to know how best to deal with one's detractors. Result? Ralph + negative comment - Chris's response = Ralph's ass handed.

The following linked episode is one of my all-time favorites. They're all so good its darned hard to pick just one. So if you enjoy it be sure to check out the rest on YouTube, or iTunes and once you're up to date with the current episode get cracking on voting in this week's Cute Down.

What's Made Of Wood And Weighs The Same As A Duck?

It may surprise you to know that the smartest person on the Earth at this very moment is neither you nor I. It is a classy Brit who likes to call himself Derren Brown.

At some point in the past Mr. Brown must have had a lot of time on his hands. Wisely he chose to invest that time into learning "magic, suggestion, psychology, misdirection and showmanship" - his words. It was these skills that served to make him a very clever and equally smug individual indeed. The kind of guy who might play Russian Roulette with himself on live television (honest, he did!).

His shennanigans have entertained me for hours on end and I must say how glad I am that he wasn't identified as having a flair for the cello at an early age, because he probably would have spent time practicing that instead and consequently deprived the world of his rare talents.

But Derren's talents are not always what they appear to be. Most of the time, whilst he's leading you to believe he's using one skill to perform a trick, he's really using another. That's the misdirection part. It's the best part of any magician's repertoire. It's the real make or break talent because, honestly, most magic tricks are insultingly simple once you learn how they're done.

With that in mind, have a gander at the psychology tricks on display in today's supplied video. Is it all about reading a person's body language? Or are other conjuror's techniques being employed? It could be either or perhaps a combination of the two. Who knows?




This is just the tip of the iceberg of what Derren does. The boy has a truly amazing repertoire. If it entertains you, you can find plenty more of his stuff on YouTube.

In The Beginning. . .

It couldn't be easy being God. First you gotta create the entire universe top to bottom, which you can't tell me wouldn't be the biggest logistical nightmare of all time. Then you gotta run the danged thing.

Forever.

Plenty of kinks are gonna need ironing out, ten or so hard rules will have to be thought up, and don't even get me started about the prayers that need answering - it's a lot of hard work.

Thankfully, help is close at hand. It comes in the form of Larry the trusty assistant, Jesse the new full partner and Lucy - the on again off again flame.

What? Don't believe me? Oh ye of little faith.

Fine then. Check it out for yourself:

Survival - It Does A Body Good

For the longest time mankind has been fighting a battle against odds insurmountable.

It is the battle for survival.

Every time you eat a meal, every time you choose to fly overseas instead of swimming it, every time you copulate with a drunken skank you picked up in a bar instead of blowing your brains out, you are making a voluntary effort to ensure the continuation of the second most precious asset you have. Life.

But life is not one big, happy game of Smell The Cheese. Sometimes in order to win someone has got to lose.

If you've ever littered a highway before, you know how hard it was to make that choice. It was the choice between leaving your car untidy and crawling with germs that might lead to cancer or, nearly as tragic, your children's cancer; or dumping it out a convenient window and thus effecting a minor act of genocide against the indigenous-American crybabies who refuse to get with the times. You embraced the comforting notion that, to ensure your own continued existance, someone else must live in squalor, contract dysentery and die. The equations balance. The world maintains its equilibrium.

Axiom of Survival #1: Whatever doesn't kill you, though it might make someone else weaker, still makes you stronger.

In researching human survival, psychologists wasted tens of millions of taxpayer dollars to dream up the assumption that our fear instincts came to us via evolutionary processes. This occurred long before we we got tired of our poo flinging shennanigans, and is thought to have developed as a mechanism for protecting most of our species from becoming Darwin Award nominees. Now, instead of grinning like an idiot when some dickweed lobs a rock or tactical nuke in your direction, you instinctively know to duck and cover. Your survival instinct then kicks into high gear, calling on every violent movie you've ever seen to lull you into a raging psychotic state. It does this by dumping lethal quantities of adrenalin and oxyacetaline into your blood stream, prompting you to retaliate before anyone has a chance to call you a "pussy".

More recently, librarians and really old people who still read books came to realize that both fear and survival instincts are central to the greatest tales mankind has ever told, and even some he hasn't! These concepts, whilst thought of as fundamental to dramatic storytelling, are unfairly considered dangerous "extremists" in the eyes of the illiterate Western capitalist invaders.

Axiom of Survival #2: Blowing yourself up does NOT make you stronger.

For those of you still unclear on what this post is about I offer the following graphic depiction of the human struggle. Scholars think it to be the greatest our civilization has to offer:

A Film That Will Haunt You

When you think back over the distinguished career of director Stanley Kubrick, one stubby little faggoty word leaps to mind.

Joy.

In almost a half-century of work that spanned nearly 50 years, Kubrick brought much needed inspiration to the lives of cinema-going families. So much so that global divorce rates went into steep decline. His legacy was to break a new dawn of cinema in which sentimental, inspirational, touchy-feely crowd pleasers were the gold standard. Cherished holiday favorites like Stop, Or My Mom Will Shoot and Escape From L.A., owe much of their continuing success to Kubrick.

I carry such fond memories of the time I first saw Kubrick's antepenultimate masterpiece, Shining. In one all-too-brief film (runtime: 146mins) the collective works of Frank Capra had been rendered obsolete. I left that showing with a spring in my step and the rapturous notion that if you go out of your way to help people, you will get everything you deserve. Suffice it to say, had it not been for this film I would never have had anywhere near the self-confidence needed to start this blog!

If you have yet to experience this film for yourself, you owe it to yourself to experience this film. Maybe you'll even think to share this wonderous,* life-changing classic with your family.

For your approval - the trailer:



*WARNING: Some families have reported experiencing an adverse reaction that renders their wonder as dead as Kubrick himself. Adults are cautioned to privately review the film before deciding if their children or household doors can hack it. Induce vomiting if imbibed.

Is That A Lightning Storm Brewing Overhead?

(WARNING: Explicit talk of Dungeons & Dragons ahead.)

If you've never rolled a d20 to save your life you haven't lived. Those of you who have, this post's for you.

Remember gathering with your friends at the end of the week to munch through bowls of salty chips, suck down copious amounts of soft drink, and bicker endlessly with the DM over game mechanics, some of which were ill-conceived if not irrelevent in the first place? Yeah, me too. I haven't played D&D in a looong, long time, but I still have fond memories of those games, which just goes to show how fallible memory can be.

To remind us what it's really like, Shamus Young, on his Twenty Sided blog, created a series titled The DM of the Rings. In it Shamus, our beleaguered DM, illustrates just what happens when you take Tolkein's classic Lord of the Rings trilogy and try to play it as a D&D campaign. He's managed to do this by stringing together screenshots from Peter Jackson's LotR films in a comic form. Such a simple idea, right? Right. Simple. And insightful. Also a little unnerving. But damn funny!

To find out why (and do set aside some hours for this unless you intend to string out the experience - something you will inevitably fail to do) you should go check it out!

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE SPOOF!

Who are The Delusionists? I really couldn't say, which is a shame seeing as they hail from the same Croc infested shores as yours truly. Surfing the net one day I came across one of their YouTube videos which I thought mildly funny. I decided to give another of their efforts a shot. It was a skit that turned the courtroom climax to A Few Good Men on its ear in an innovative and completely irreverent fashion. I won't risk spoiling it for you by rabbiting on further, other than to say, the next time a friend invites you to play a round of 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon -- I dare you not to crack a smile.

It's All A Big Mystery

For a while there things looked bleak. Nothing but murder, murder and more murder. But then something changed. House cut through the 'Police Line Do Not Cross' tape to become one of the top rated mystery shows on TV. Not only did I start watching mystery television again, but I had cause to do a little happy dance for Hugh Laurie. He suffered long and hard to get a dream gig like this. Hurrah and huzzah for him!

One of my favorite clips of Hugh is from his comedy years on A Bit of Fry and Laurie, a sketch comedy show he did with Stephen Fry a ways back. Mystery, as this comedic song is called, is something very special. Every line unfolds like a revelation. If you haven't seen it before and you like a good laugh, then this may be just what the doctor ordered.