Science Part. 1

Yawn, right?

Science is dull, dull, dull.

You can't make the Periodic Table of Elements fun, I don't care how much clown makeup you slap on it.

Or can you...?

Okay, sorry I used that clichéd device. I hate myself for it almost as much as you do right now. I promise it won't happen again.

Or will it...?

I'm not too proud to go on record as saying "science is hard." I don't have a head for it but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate it. Why does it have to be so effing hard? Probably because it seeks to quantify how everything in existence actually works. You try explaining precisely why the sun is hot and just how hot is it and see how much accurate detail you can get with laymans terms and a slide rule.

If you're one of those people who hate science with a passion bordering on "Quit Dry-Humping My Leg, Bitch" then you are not alone. Plenty of fruit loops think the world is going to hell in a hand-beaker owing to science and its all-consuming hunger for advancing the quality of life.

Science has given us medicine. So now ignorant a-holes who otherwise wouldn't have lived long enough to complain about how unnatural chemicals are can protest the devastating effect H2O is having on our embattled planet.

It has given us power. So a-holes can boot up their computers and whine online about how it used to be so much better back in the days when wearing filth for weeks at a time was all the rage.

It has given us computers and the internet. So a-holes with computers and internet access can whine about antiscience a-holes who think we would be so much better off living with famine, disease, unsolved murders, warm beer, radios that don't do squat, guns in briefcases on airplanes, the earth being flat, and Steven Spielberg out of a job.

F*ckers.

But can you blame them for their ignorance? In the past Science education managed to do more harm than good. Remember how excited you and your mates would get at the prospect of watching yet another science program detailing all the hip experiments you could do in class?

Me neither.

To jog your memory, they go a little something like this.





But isn't Science also capable of great evil? Like those scientists trying their darnedest to destroy the planet with a Large Hadron Collider, say for example?

In short: nope. Science as a principle isn't evil at all. You might get the odd individual who is capable of evil and chooses to weild knowledge gleaned by science in an inappropriate manner. Like, say, an extremist with a dirty bomb wandering downtown Manhattan. But for the most part the purpose of Science is the persuit of knowledge. And knowlege gives us answers to questions, which helps us solve problems. Problems like: What is the best way to squander billions of dollars in an effort to suck the world as we know it into a black hole?

Actually, that's not what science is trying to do with the LHC and I think you'll find that those doomsday predictions are only being touted by people who are entirely ignorant of the science involved - suprise, surprise.

Just what is the LHC really doing then? Apart from cutting record deals? A good place to get the lowdown is here. If you're curious.

Otherwise just sit back, crack open your favorite beer, and wait for it all to end.